Why You Should Kill Prepositional Phrases in Your Copy
Prepositional phrases look harmless. But in fundraising copy, they’re silent killers.
They sap energy. They slow readers down. They make your writing feel… like writing.
The fix is simple: cut them.
What’s a prepositional phrase?
A prepositional phrase starts with a word like in, on, at, for, to, with, of, from, or about, and ends with a noun or pronoun.
They’re fine in moderation. But most of the time, they’re clutter.
“On behalf of our organization, I want to thank you for your support.”
vs.
“Thank you for your support.”“Your gift brings hope to families in crisis around the world.”
vs.
“Your gift brings hope to families in crisis.”
The second options above have the same meaning, but use fewer words and are punchier.
Why they feel wrong
You don’t talk this way:
“In light of our recent dinner, I’d like to express gratitude for requesting my presence at your table.”
You say:
“Dinner was great. Thanks for inviting me.”
When our writing doesn’t sound like the way we really talk, the brain has to work harder.
And that’s a problem.
If it’s easy to read, it’s easy to believe
Psychologists call this processing fluency: the easier something is to read, the more true it feels.
Clear writing builds trust. Clutter kills it.
Prepositional phrases break processing fluency. They slow down sentences. They create distance between subject and verb.
They make readers work. And donors don’t work.
They skim. They decide quickly. They feel before they think.
“In support of our global outreach efforts, your gift provides urgently needed supplies to communities in need.”
vs.
“Your gift will send supplies where they’re needed most.”
Which one sounds more natural?
The lazy brain test
The brain loves shortcuts. It burns fewer calories when information is clear and direct.
Long sentences full of prepositional phrases create friction, and friction makes readers stop.
“For the sake of children living in poverty across the globe, we ask for your continued partnership in the fight against hunger.”
vs.
“Hungry children need you. Your gift will help them eat.”
The goal isn’t fewer words. It’s stronger words.
Do a “prepositional phrase test”
When you finish a draft, scan for phrases starting with:
of
for
in
on
at
from
with
to
about
Then ask:
Can I delete this phrase without losing meaning?
Can I reword it or reorder my sentence to sound more natural?
If yes, cut or rework it.
Words That Work (TL;DR)
Your donor’s brain wants copy that’s clear, fast, and human. Prepositional phrases make it slow, heavy, and hard to trust.
So stop writing in response to, on behalf of, with respect to, or for the purpose of.
Write like we talk.
Your copy will be sharper, your CTA will land harder, and your writing will sound less like… writing.
